I don’t usually make posts about healthy living or weight loss or anything of the sort. But I’ve had people comment on a few pictures that I’ve posted recently, and some messaging me that I look thinner. So here it goes.
I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I was always active growing up (soccer teams, basketball teams, volleyball teams, hiking and camping with Girl Guides), but I’ve always been overweight. In the summer of 2004, after being raped, I gained 20 pounds in about a 2 month span. Food became as real as an unhealthy coping mechanism/addiction as someone might say cocaine is. In 2011, I started seeing a counselor. During my three years in counselling, I gained over 30 pounds.
I know that I chose to put the food in my mouth. I know that there were points in my life where I made a choice to eat a burger and fries when I could have chosen a salad. I don’t have an explanation for those decisions beyond that I honestly didn’t care about my health or wellbeing.
While living in Zimbabwe for six months, I lost 20 pounds. I came back to Canada, and got complimented several times about how good I looked. I started going to the gym, and even started to see a dietician… but the weight that I lost in Zimbabwe, where I walked a good hour every day in 40 degree weather and sweated the rest of the day (seriously, the coldest it got there was 19 degrees), came back.
In September, I started my Master’s Degree and weighed more than I ever had before.
In December, Brian (my boyfriend) and I started talking about trying out a healthy living program (one of his friends was doing one, and Brian wanted to try it out).
We decided to go with one of my choosing – 21 Day Fix. The program is essentially all about portion control. Lot of veggies, lots of protein, very little carbs (which, for an Italian, has been difficult!). There’s also 30 minute workouts every day. We’re on our fifth round of the program, and here are my results: I have lost 18 inches, and 23 pounds. There have been highs and lows. There have been cheat days. There have also been days where working out was maybe even a little bit fun.
Do I think I look better than I ever have? Absolutely. I posted a picture in a sundress a few days ago. The story behind that picture involved me putting it on, and running into the kitchen giddy because after looking in the mirror, I thought I looked pretty. But more important than how I look is how I feel. I have energy, and evening walks with Brian and Val are more enjoyable than ever now that I can keep up. I feel more confident in myself. This was never about looking better for me. It was always about feeling more comfortable, and being healthier. I
And I’m getting there. I’m not done with the fix yet. The goal, ultimately, is to get to a weight that I feel healthy at. And for me, that will take some time.
“It’s not the face, but the expressions on it. It’s not the voice, but what you say. It’s not how you look in that body, but the thing you do with it. You are beautiful.” – Stephenie Meyer